Couples DBT

Writing

Notes from the work.

Clinician-voiced pieces on the skills Couples DBT teaches, the research underneath them, and the patterns that show up most often in the room. Written for partners, for clinicians making referrals, and for anyone trying to understand what this work actually looks like.

  1. A clock on a kitchen wall, muted light, two half-full coffee cups on the counter — the stilled moment after a pause is called.

    How to actually take a break in a fight (and why most break attempts fail)

    A clinician's guide to mid-argument time-outs: why most attempts fail, what to agree on before you need one, and how to return to it well.
  2. Two figures seated on a bench, the light between them soft, neither looking at the other but clearly together.

    Radical acceptance in marriage: the skill that sounds like giving up, and isn't

    A clinician's look at radical acceptance — what DBT means by it, why couples get it wrong, and how to accept what's true without resigning to it.
  3. Two figures leaning toward each other, one mid-sentence, the other listening with their full body.

    The six levels of validation, with a couples example for each one

    A clinician's walkthrough of Marsha Linehan's six levels of validation — from simply paying attention to radical genuineness — with a couples example each.
  4. Two figures facing in different directions, the space between them occupied by a small, abstract shape like a folded note.

    Loving someone with BPD — Part 2 of 3

    Loving someone with BPD, Part II: what to do when your partner is misusing the label — and how to see through the social-media version

    What to do when a partner is using a BPD label as coercion: how to evaluate accuracy, recognize coercion dressed as care, and what to do if you're unsure.
  5. Two figures standing close, slightly overlapping, with a soft patterned background — a composition about nearness rather than distance.

    Loving someone with BPD — Part 3 of 3

    Loving someone with BPD, Part III: what Couples DBT actually looks like when one partner has the diagnosis

    A clinician's view of Couples DBT when one partner has BPD: how the work is structured, what improves first, why the outlook is more hopeful.
  6. An abstract composition — two figures loosely sketched, one holding what could be a label or a leaf, the lines unresolved.

    Loving someone with BPD — Part 1 of 3

    Loving someone with BPD, Part I: the social-media misuse of a serious diagnosis

    How BPD became internet shorthand — and why partner accusations now far outnumber real diagnoses, with a warning about abusive misuse of the label.
  7. A couple on the couch, one turned slightly away, the other reaching across the space between them.

    Opposite action for couples: how to move toward your partner when every instinct is telling you to pull away

    A clinician's guide to opposite action — the DBT skill that interrupts withdraw-attack cycles when the emotion doesn't fit the situation.
  8. A couple mid-argument, one partner stepping back, one hand on the counter — a pause inside the escalation.

    TIPP skills for fights that spiral: how to actually cool down when your body is already in it

    A walk-through of DBT's TIPP — temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, paired muscle relaxation — for arguments that escalate faster than thought.
  9. A couple seated across from each other, one speaking, the other listening with quiet attention.

    DEAR MAN in relationships: how to ask for what you need without starting a fight

    A practical walk-through of DBT's DEAR MAN — Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate — adapted for couples.